54. Loving Yourself and Others

You want to treat those you love with love. To be like that you need to be a fight-free person, a peaceful warrior. If you love yourself you will not allow yourself to :
a. become overweight.
b. become anorexic or bulimic.
c. become addicted to alcohol,drugs, sex, tobacco, t.v. etc.
d. become the victim of guilt, worry or anger (your own or others').
e. become involved in fights, arguments, conflicts wars etc.

If you love yourself then you will treat yourself with respect. Among other things, this means that you will not allow others to lure you into fights. When you do this, they will realise that you think too much of yourself to waste precious moments of your life in the pain agony and distress caused by fighting.

Live your life as an example of someone who is deeply peaceful and who cannot be bought and sold emotionally at the whim of others or through their lack of consideration.

Learn to avoid leaving the keyboard of your internal computer in the street where anyone can randomly push your buttons for fun.

53. Your Unique Place in the World

Remember that you are unique in the world. Do not expect everyone to understand you all the time. Think about it, for that to happen, everyone would have to become you and that's clearly an absurdity. If you are misunderstood, explain once; if that works then fine. If not stop seeking to be understood in this case and just accept that they simply haven't reached your level of sophistication yet.They probably never will and that's ok because it doesn't reflect anything bad about you but says rather more about them. This acceptance is a great place to build a fight-free enviornment.javascript:void(0)

52. People are More Important than Things

People are more important than things. Things can always be replaced, people can not. No thing in this world is more important than a person and no thing is ever worth fighting about. Happiness, joy, love, bliss, these are the things that life is all about. When the emphasis shifts from people to things then people become less happy. You can refuse to let any one thing be the cause of your happiness or unhappiness by breaking any attachments you find to objects "out there".

51. How to be Treated Right

You are treated in life exactly the way you teach people to treat you.For this reason, if you don't like the way people treat you, you must stop blaming others, look inwards and ask yourself "How have I taught them to treat me this way ?" You must then resolve to stop sending out the signals that lead people to treat you this way. The reason we study body language and other tools of psychology like NLP is to gain insight into the subtle cues we are sending out to people as well as learning to read their body language. It can often be simpler than that. The language we use and the ideas we hold and express can upset people too. If you use gentlemanly language with thugs they will mistake your good manners for weakness and so try to take advantage of you because this is how the criminal mind works. The reason we study the Martial Arts is that you will be able to make it stick if you are forced into a physical fight. In the street, your M.A. should only be used as a last resort and make sure you do not get caught ! Behaviour is a better teacher than words. Once you teach someone by your behaviour that you will not tolerate abuse, you will see it subside, but if you continue to talk endlessly about it, you will keep the old conflicts alive. By putting the matter up for debate, you run the risk of losing the argument even though you are in the right. This puts you in a worse position than before because you are teaching the opposition that they can get away with their bad behaviour and avoid their responsibility to treat you justly by talking their way out of it.

The best way to be assertive in these matters is to state calmly, loudly and clearly that you are not prepared to tolerate their behaviour and that it is unacceptable. Furthermore, if they persist in it you will leave. Then if they do persist, leave. Leave the room, building, street or whatever place the incident happened. It is very important that you take time to create for yourself a list of values and expectations of how people should behave towards you. You should write out your own personal Bill of Rights but remember that the treatment you demand from others is the treatment you should give to others.

Following on from your personal Bill of Rights, you can compose your own set of Terms and Conditions, the rules you will follow when engaging with the world. It will list what actions you take when confronted by various situations. These two things will help you to achieve and maintain clarity in the face of confusion.

50. Upset, Empty Boats and Newspapers

There is no point in being upset just because other people choose to be the way they are. A wise man was asked how it was possible for him to remain calm, still, peaceful and happy despite the bad behaviour he could see all around him and his reply was that he used to get angry until one day while rowing his boat he was bumped by another boat. He turned in anger to reprimand the other boatman for his carelessness and saw that the boat was empty. He had a moment of realisation and then resolved to treat everyone like an empty boat from then on in. You can do the same thing right now. Another wise man walking near his home with a student stopped to buy a newspaper from the local kiosk. The newspaper seller threw the newspaper at him together with his change. The student who revered his teacher was outraged and was about to strike the vendor when the teacher restrained him saying "He is alway like that." The student, still angry said "Why do you continue to give him the business then, he clearly doesn't deserve it ?" The teacher replied "Why should I let someone else's ignorant behaviour dictate how I do things ?"

49. Anger is a Bad Manager

Anger manages everything badly. You will always be diminished by your anger. There are few occasions in our lives, if any, when we have been angry or lost our tempers or been angry on which we can look back without regret. A no-limit person will place higher premia on solving peoblems and creating harmony than on being part of the problem and storing up anger. As you read these words, right now, take a moment to release any anger you might be holding. Fighting and rowing are unpleasant activities and every time a fight happens, you feel miserable and drained of your life forces.

The results of this are :
* Breakdown in Communication
* Distancing of the fighters
* Increased blood pressure - damaging the cardio-vascular system
* Headaches
* Insomnia
* Ulcers
* Destruction of relationships

Fighting is not fun. Fighting is not helpful. Fighting is extremely destructive. Fighting is unproductive. Fighting is injurious. Fighting causes unnecessary pain. Fighting wastes time, money, energy and tranquility.

For one's spiritual development the accumulation of a type of energy called Sattva is necessary. Anyone on this path needs to acquire Sattva and use it for higher purposes like reflection on the words of the wise. Sattva is impersonal and cannot be stored up. A being full of it radiates it and so blesses those around them. This is Dharshan, the blessing that acrues to those who find themselves in the presence of a saint. Sattva is like a very light petroleum spirit. Anger (Crotha in Sanskrit) burns Sattva. and it evaporates very quickly in the presence of Sattva

48.Being a No- limit Person

If you embrace the concept of being a no-limit person into your philosophy, part of that mind-set is to be a doer. This will have the effect of leaving you with no time to worry or feel guilt about anything. These only have the effect of immobilising you.