274. Where we Learn Most.

Reading and study are very important but where we really learn the most is from those around us.

273. General Negotiations.

Work together to defeat a problem rather than the other side. Focus on the various interests involved, not the positions. Try to reconcile the interests with each other - look for win-win outcomes.

When people take a position, try to find out why. Detect the interest behind the position. What other interests underlie the position ?

If one party wants the window open (position) for fresh air (interest) while the other wants it closed (position) to avoid the draught (interest), then the reconciliation or solution that meets all the interests is to open the window in the other room.

You can have a lot of fun practicing this exercise.

Desires and concerns are interests. Interests motivate people. Positions are things that one decides upon. This is a vital distinction.

Behind opposed positions lie shared as well as conflicted interests. Find the shared ones. Very often, when you look to the interests, new positions arise that are compatible. Alternatives emerge. The obvious position is never the only one and rarely is it the wisest.

In the case of a landlord and tennant, the shared interests are :

1. Both want stability.
2. Both want a well maintained property.
3. Both want a good relationship.

272. Negotiating with Strangers and Enemies.

When negotiating with strangers or enemies, work at quickly turning them into friends. This makes negotiation easier. Get to know them. Find out their likes and dislikes. Ask to borrow a certain one of their books. (This will flatter them.) but make sure to read it before you return it (in case you are questioned on it later.) And make sure you do return it !

271. The "I" Statement and Negotiation.

When entering into negotiations, "I" statements are very difficult for the other side to challenge. If you make a statement about them that they disagree with or believe to be untrue, such as "You are a racist.", they will either ignore you or become angry. If, on the other hand, you say "I find that racist.", you are forcing them to engage with your position.

In negotiations, speak only for a purpose. Always know what you want to communicate or to find out before you speak. When you want to know something, always be clear in your mind what purpose the information will serve.

270. Adding Wisdom

Being wise and becoming wiser are more to do with reducing than with adding. Wherever possible, eliminate ornamentation and grow ever simpler. Hack away the unnecessary and allow the truth to be revealed without obstruction. Learn to shed the layers. Learn to let go of overly complicated ideas and models.

269. Strength and Gentleness

Strength, though used in a refined way, is necessary in combat. Learn also, to move back and forth like the bamboo in order to dissolve the strong winds. Neither gentleness nor strength (firmness) alone is enough. It is the two fitted together that form the Way.

268. Bluffing.

It is the function of bluff and bluffing to redress the balance between one's own inadequacies and the other man's superiority and as this cannot be done in actuality, but only by psychological means which are independent of tangible resources, it is a weapon peculiarly suited to a man who is on the run.