401. Flattery vs Sincere Praise

Beware of flatterers for they will turn on you when it suits them. Learn to recognise sincere praise and distinguish it from the words others think you want to hear. To help you in this, cultivate a taste for bald truth. Prefer it to euphemism. You may have to use diplomacy yourself but always try to see through the diplomacy of others. Always prefer to hear the truth, however unpleasant it may be, than to hear a pleasant lie. For that reason, always encourage those around you to speak the truth pleasantly and discourage pleasant untruths. 

Study the situations of others; see where their interests lie. Then you will be able to judge the truth of what they say for they will always speak for their own interests. (By interests here we mean those things that are of advantage to them, not their hobbies).

396. Alliances

When necessary, make use of allies but do not trust them fully and always remember that you never have permnent friends or enemies, only permanent interests.

383. Inexplicable Behaviour

Whenever someone appears to act against their own interests, it could be because they no longer care or it could be a desire (conscious or unconscious) to fail or it could simply be attention seeking.

273. General Negotiations.

Work together to defeat a problem rather than the other side. Focus on the various interests involved, not the positions. Try to reconcile the interests with each other - look for win-win outcomes.

When people take a position, try to find out why. Detect the interest behind the position. What other interests underlie the position ?

If one party wants the window open (position) for fresh air (interest) while the other wants it closed (position) to avoid the draught (interest), then the reconciliation or solution that meets all the interests is to open the window in the other room.

You can have a lot of fun practicing this exercise.

Desires and concerns are interests. Interests motivate people. Positions are things that one decides upon. This is a vital distinction.

Behind opposed positions lie shared as well as conflicted interests. Find the shared ones. Very often, when you look to the interests, new positions arise that are compatible. Alternatives emerge. The obvious position is never the only one and rarely is it the wisest.

In the case of a landlord and tennant, the shared interests are :

1. Both want stability.
2. Both want a well maintained property.
3. Both want a good relationship.

201. Ivan Misner's Game Plan

Ivan Misner is a master networker and founder of the worldwide business group called Business Network International (BNI). The philosophy on which this group is based is summed up in the two words "Givers Gain". This is a co-operative group and an excellent model for how you should treat other people. His Game Plan or strategy for networking is as follows :-

1. Remain Curious. Ask questions and listen to the answers. People love a good listener who is interested in what they do.

2.Learn from everybody. Talk to people at all levels because everyone can teach you something.

3. Cultivate contacts with people in power. They can bring you ideas, support and opportunities. Cultivate people who enjoy making money. Cultivate those whose hearts and interests are like your own.

4. Enjoy the journey