40. External Approval

Seeking approval is not in itself an unhealthy thing. Needing it is unhealthy. It is an unhealthy state to be immobilised if outside approval is withheld. This is an important distinction. You do not need the approval of others in order to feel good about yourself. You will encounter huge amounts of both approval and disapproval throughout your life. You cannot please everyone all the time. You cannot please any one person all the time either. When you encounter disapproval in others, provided you know that you are right and acting in the best possible way, do not let their disapproval stop you from doing or saying what you know to be true. Do not even give ear to their disapproval or anger. You should be aware that people will often direct their disapproval at you in order to try to control you for their own ends and your ultimate disadvantage. (Trade Unions and other organisations are very fond of doing this). Ultimately, the only approval that matters is your own self-approval. This self-approval is definitely NOT the same thing as conceit. Self-approval is honest. Conceit is a form of self-deception, saying "I approve because it is me even though I KNOW IT IS WRONG !" This is a form of Psychopathy. You must learn to respect the opinions of others and at the same time not be consumed with winning everyone's approval. This can be a very delicate balance. Approval is nice but it is like a tax break. It should be treated as a bonus and not the main reason for doing whatever you are being praised for. You should do things because they make sense or are a good deal financially, not primarily for approval or tax breaks. Remember you are the captain of your own ship. A wise captain seeks information and advice but plots his own course. He does not follow like a sheep.

37. Being Honest with One's Self

Practice the habit of being totally honest with yourself. The worst form of deception is self-deception. That's a big no-no. Total honesty with yourself is the basis for sanity and the starting point of all self-development. Blame is one thing that will make it impossible to control your inner world. Blame is only excuse-making, a refusal to take responsibility for yourself. Whatever you feel at any given time is a direct result of what you have been thinking. You drive your own state. Your feelings are created by yourself and no-one else. You choose to feel happy or sad, loving or angry loved or afraid. depending on your self-talk. No-one has the power to make you feel happy or unhappy or any way other than how you choose to feel. You do that to yourself by thinking about their behaviour. Even if you blame others, the reality remains the same.