51. How to be Treated Right

You are treated in life exactly the way you teach people to treat you.For this reason, if you don't like the way people treat you, you must stop blaming others, look inwards and ask yourself "How have I taught them to treat me this way ?" You must then resolve to stop sending out the signals that lead people to treat you this way. The reason we study body language and other tools of psychology like NLP is to gain insight into the subtle cues we are sending out to people as well as learning to read their body language. It can often be simpler than that. The language we use and the ideas we hold and express can upset people too. If you use gentlemanly language with thugs they will mistake your good manners for weakness and so try to take advantage of you because this is how the criminal mind works. The reason we study the Martial Arts is that you will be able to make it stick if you are forced into a physical fight. In the street, your M.A. should only be used as a last resort and make sure you do not get caught ! Behaviour is a better teacher than words. Once you teach someone by your behaviour that you will not tolerate abuse, you will see it subside, but if you continue to talk endlessly about it, you will keep the old conflicts alive. By putting the matter up for debate, you run the risk of losing the argument even though you are in the right. This puts you in a worse position than before because you are teaching the opposition that they can get away with their bad behaviour and avoid their responsibility to treat you justly by talking their way out of it.

The best way to be assertive in these matters is to state calmly, loudly and clearly that you are not prepared to tolerate their behaviour and that it is unacceptable. Furthermore, if they persist in it you will leave. Then if they do persist, leave. Leave the room, building, street or whatever place the incident happened. It is very important that you take time to create for yourself a list of values and expectations of how people should behave towards you. You should write out your own personal Bill of Rights but remember that the treatment you demand from others is the treatment you should give to others.

Following on from your personal Bill of Rights, you can compose your own set of Terms and Conditions, the rules you will follow when engaging with the world. It will list what actions you take when confronted by various situations. These two things will help you to achieve and maintain clarity in the face of confusion.